If you’ve followed me online in the last week, then you’ve heard that we’ve lost our sweet Baby Klock #2. It has been heart breaking to say the least. We were so joyful and excited to welcome a new family member in July. While I don’t plan to share the full medical details/our doctors appointments online, please know if you’re experience a loss or miscarriage to reach out. I’d be happy to talk with you and mourn with you.

I hope and pray Wednesday, January 6th, 2022 will be the worst day of my life, and I will never have to experience anything worse. We unfortunately saw no heartbeat and no growth for our sweet little one on the ultrasound. We were never able to find out the gender, but from the very beginning, Hayden and I both thought she was a girl.

I shared in a post, but we decided to name her Lucy meaning Bringer of Light. We had talked about so many different names – and actually had a few that we were head over heels in love with, but they just didn’t seem to fit when we realized we were never going to get to experience this baby’s birth or life here on Earth. We wanted her name to be a beacon of hope for us and a reminder that God’s goodness can overcome anything. We also wanted her story to shine the light of Jesus. Lucy to us also reminds us of innocence and purity. We have our own imagination of what we envisioned she would look like – but I guess we’ll have to see if we’re right in Heaven.

This loss stinks. It’s not what I wanted. I can’t think of much positive to say – I have found some peace, but truthfully, this all stinks. If you’ve experienced this too, then you know. This pain is so odd and unique, but I know we’re not alone. It has brought me so much comfort to read message after message, comment after comment, and we know that others are with us and others have been through this and are giving us strength. I’ve never walked through a valley like this before, and I pray that I never have to again.

I’d love to share a bit of encouragement that a friend shared with me:
“I just wanted to share from my heart some of the thoughts and truths that brought me peace during my grief. Our babies will never feel the sting of a skinned knee or the pain of a bump or bruise. Our children that we lost will never feel the pain of a broken heart. They will never know rejection. Or shame. Or loneliness. While the first face they saw didn’t get to be ours, it was that of their Maker’s. Not sweet lullabies in the nursery we would have prepared, but rather choirs of angels in paradise are the only songs they will ever know. What a gift to be able to imagine these truths!! The pain is so real, and so heavy. But thank God we know with certainty the rest of the story for our children.”

I have found so much peace knowing that Lucy will never experience the pain of this world, but instead, she will live in the Glory of God. My heart breaks knowing I don’t get so many things I longed for, but I have peace that she was/is always God’s. I don’t know why this is her story, but it is. I have faith that God’s plan is better than my own, and that His glory will show through this. I have faith that God is in control. I have faith we will get through this. I am grateful for each and every day I got to hold her, I got to sacrifice for her, and I was able to love on her on Earth. We will always miss her and miss the dreams we thought would come through, but we will continue to praise God. He is worthy of it no matter what our lives look like, and I am choosing to find joy.

I wanted to share a few songs that have brought me peace over the weekend. I pray if you’re in this season of life that you are able to let go of your anger and bitterness and feel the peace that only Jesus can bring.

Playlist

• Highlands by Hillsong United
• Reason to Praise by Bethel Music + Cory Asbury
• Don’t Stop the Madness by Tenth Avenue North
• Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North
• I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North
• Promises by Maverick City Music
• Run to the Father by Cody Carnes
• You are Faithful by Carrollton
• Goodness of God by Jenn Johnson
• Uncomplicated by Hillsong Young + Free
• Hallelujah Here Below by Elevation Worship
• Always Loved Me by Iron Bell Music
• Graves Into Gardens by Elevation Worship
• Glory to Glory by Iron Bell Music
• Come What May by We Are Messengerss
• Know You Will by Hillsong United
• I Am by JUDAH
• Glory Baby by Watermark
• Brighter Days by Blessing Offor